These few weeks, been very stressful and tedious.
Been supporting customer till late nights, hardly get a good rest.
Extensive,Traveling around has giving me a fatigue body.
Feel ill last couple of weeks, been MC for nearly a week.
on and off, having block nose, cough and fever.
cold symptoms had been arouse me for very long period of time, since i came back from penang.
feeling kind of irritated by it.
Bad to worse, i have another episode of panic attack , during week before and last week, erm yesterday too wor.
which i think more or less related to stress. i tot it was an asthma attack, as my last attack was couple of years ago. i think it was around 1997. since then, i never had it.
Seen a psychiatrist after seeing a GP.
body is perfectly fine.
just need to stay relax, and sleep well. psychologically abit stressed out.
considering sleeping well.
i have been trying to fall asleep, and sleep well.
but always been waken up in the middle of the night by nightmare and scary dreams.
i keep dreaming about falling down from tall buildings or chasing after by somebody.
These are signs of extreme stress.
I didn’t notice my condition can be so bad, until i had the panic attack.
I check through my psychiatrist prescription.
It was prozac and Xanax, both are anti depressant.
it Sound like having depression.
hey depression is kind of scary leh.
i am not a suicidal fyi, so don’t worry.
but thinking of it, i kind of notice my behaviour changes.
take example, yesterday been to karaoke .
since like it was a very enjoying thing for me.
but i just couldn’t feel like singing.
it’s kind of bored to me.
then in the middle of it i start to feel choke here and there.
breathing seen to harden, chest start to feel discomfort.
i realise, it was kind of panic attack again. but i wasn’t sure is it a panic attack.
because due to last month, i had a lung infection.
GP advise me to had a X ray.
the X ray shown some infection on my right lung.
seriously, i didn’t know my cold can be so bad.
moral of the story. please … any small little cough, just go and see a doctor.
don’t wait until, cough until very badly. then go and see.
i am kind of stubborn , you see.
if , i still can work, i will work.
that’s how i get into lung infection, because i keep dragging.
Then, i wish to confirm my lungs is fine, i Drove to a nearby clinic, unfortunately, it was closed.
so i took a hard time driving to TTSH, seen the doctor, and confirm that my lung is clear. it calm me down.
but, he notice my allergy symptoms.
my nose nasal are blocked.
Prescribed clarityne, and some sorethroat medication for me and given a number to call for , just in case.
Quickly, went back to the car and took 1/2 pill of Xanax( for panic attack), as it’s can cause drowsiness, i do not dare to take the whole pill.
anyway, i read psychology. roughly, i know how to control my mood.
so did a defocus and refocus after taking the pill.
with breathing abs exercise.
after a couple of mins i manage make my breathing condition and chest feel better too.
but the chest still feel abit tight lor when i breathe.
bo pian lor. luckily i got yiruma’s music to smoothe it(my mood).
after that, it was about 9 plus liao, jacqueline took over the driver seat and drove me for dinner lor.
one thing about lady driver, they still need someone to be around as their GPS systems sometimes. when she drives, it does somehow trigger my panic attack again wor. ( keep it to your self please) numerous of time, i just have to close my eyes, and relax, if i keep my eyes open, and look on how she drives, i think i will die of anxiety attack.
As you know panic attack occur, it causes your breathing difficulites.
if you add more load, i think i will kee siao.
anyway, i arrive our destination safe and sound. despite all the anxiety attack with jac on the road. she is quite a steady driver la.
just sense of direction abit bad. if you tell her direction, don’t tell her. u have to point the direction to her.
no choice lor. i have to be her personal GPS with manual direction indicator ( finger pointing).
after one whole night of bad experience, i am thinking about resign my current job, going oversea to studies. if not will be applying NTU again, for the engineering course full time. i believe this will be giving me less stress.
But i don’t want to give up SIM degree.
by the way, these are just plans.
actual fact, i am quite confuse about my situation right now.
anyway, i will contemplate first.
i still need a job.
if not, how to substain the car i am driving right now.
my mum said she will buy from me.
but i think, no one will drive it.
my father has a car.
who else in my family will need the car for.
then my car is automatic transmission lor.
no one in the family dare to drive my car because it is auto transmission car leh.
because they are more familiar and use to driving the manual gear type.
looking at my TMA, really don’t know how to start and where to start.
i predict my anxiety level will go up again.
I cannot fail any subject right now.
because my degree is an honours degree.
each credit count. i hope can get at least a second upper ba.
